insomniac

Okay, so it is after 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. The problem is I have a breakfast event that I have to be up for at 5 a.m. Do I even try to get to sleep at this point?

The inability to turn my mind off from the event details even though everything is in place is most frustrating. There were a couple things that arose yesterday during the final preparation which have been dealt with but they keep knocking around in my mind in a random, incoherent manner preventing me from relaxing and ultimately sleeping.

This is so irritating - I need my sleep and I can't get it. Even my old standby of warm milk to knock me out has failed me tonight. On top of it, I have to work late tonight and early again tomorrow morning to help my colleague at her event. Oh, the glamour of public affairs!

Thank goodness for Clinique and Starbucks because those two products will be helping me get through the next two days without seeming like a wreck.

marvelous, extraordinary, wonderful, amazing grace

Years ago, during a faith-defining point in my life, I read the book, "What's So Amazing About Grace?" by Philip Yancey. This book opened my soul to the true concept of grace.

Last week, while browsing at the library, I stumbled across a version of the book in a graphic design format. It took the words from the book and made them into art. Through re-reading this book in a different format, grace flooded my soul again. Here are some of the thoughts that overwhelmed me when I realized once again how amazing grace truly is.

1) On one of the pages, there was this silver foil square that represented a mirror. On the page, the artist had written "See the one God loves." But when I looked into the "mirror", my reflection was warped. I realized that I will never see myself in the way God does. I see my flaws and ugliness where God sees me as his child who he loves beyond measure. I sometimes see my messiness as a reason that God would not want to love me but I realize he sees it and that is why he does love me.

2) Pointing out my sin is not God meaning to make me feel guilty but actually to point out my chains in order to liberate me. I actually do not think the feeling of guilt is from God. I believe guilt is different from conviction. Guilt makes us want to hide our chains in shame whereas conviction allows us to acknowledge the chains and eventually be free from them.

3) In the book, the question is asked, "What is Christianity all about?" The answer - "We are all bastards but God loves us anyway." Think about it.

4) Another question in the book - "Who does God love more - the murdered or the murderer?" The amazing aspect of grace is its unfairness. God loves us regardless. The thing with grace is there is nothing more I can do to make God love me and there is nothing less I can do to make God love me.

5) For when we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). We were sinners and he did it anyhow without guarantee that we would ever accept his gift. Or in Ephesians 2, “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved.”

6) "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound"...what is it you hear?


Often, when God’s grace overwhelms me, I am confronted with the lack of grace I show to others. I think the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace" could be paraphrased to "Make me an instrument of your grace". Imagine seeing people how God sees them.

all posted out

I have done 5 posts in the last 2 weeks...that is more than sufficient for my commitment to blog once a week. I have over-delivered once again. But it does leave me in a strange place of having not much to blog about. Highlights from my week are:

1) Toured the Calgary Food Bank and realized all the good things they do to keep the working poor fed here in our city. Despite the prosperity of Alberta, the struggle becomes harder for those just eking out a living.

2) Splurged and took a cab home from work on Thursday night. I went for a run at 5 pm but then went back to work to finish up a few things. By the time I left the office at 7:30, I didn't have the heart to face waiting for the bus or C-Train. The luxury of the cab ride was lovely.

3) Met my dear friend Alicia for breakfast/brunch Saturday morning. It is always good to catch up with her. Her sweetness and joy of life is infectious.

My week was not a spectacular week...nor was it terrible. It just was a week in my life. Am going to an Oscar party tonight...have barely seen any of the films nominated but should be fun. I am also trying to figure out who to vote for in the provincial election next Monday. My options are rather pathetic and the campaigns lack imagination and good ideas. It looks like I will probably vote Liberal at this point but that decision is not set in stone yet. And I am trying to thwart off the winter blahs as I have v. low energy today. I should pop into work and catch up on the massive pile waiting for me on my desk ...we will see if that actually happens.

it isn't easy being green

As mentioned in my post yesterday, I painted my bedroom. And, I think I like the new color. I knew I had accepted it when I made art and pillows to go with the new look. I find the color changes with the light.

Here is the look:

Here is some of the art/pillows I made (Nicole, you may want to take note of the fabric used in the large canvas above the bed and the small pillows on the bed - thanks!). There are a few more art projects for the room stirring in my mind...will keep you posted.

And if you need a reminder that spring is on its way, I find there is no better way than a bouquet of tulips just for you. Safeway usually has bunches on for something like $4. Fabulous pick-me-up during the winter doldrums.

highlights of my week

I had some wonderful moments this week despite being under the weather with a vicious cold. Here are my top three moments:

1) The play "Enchanted April"...the story is of 4 English women in the 1920's who rent a villa in Italy for the month of May. I went with 3 of my friends for a girls night out. It was wonderful. I can't wait for my European adventure in just 2 1/2 months. The actress who played Mrs Graves (a older, stick-in-the mud character) was no other than the actress who played Mrs. Rachel Lynde. Anne and Italy all in one evening - what could be better. Also at the play, I ran into two people I hadn't seen in awhile...Candida, my old neighbour in Bridgeland and Kathy, a co-worker from my Safeway days. I love running into people when I am out and about...especially people I like.

2) I talked to my beloved friend Amy who lives in Turkey. There is something about a conversation with her that lifts the spirits. I do wish we lived closer than the 9300 km between us. Thank goodness for technology and good phone deals. We both can call with no long distance charges thanks to the digital age. This is Amy and I camping a couple years ago.

3) I re-painted my bedroom. The saga continues as I have been struggling with the right color for ages. This week , I settled on a Benjamin Moore green "Stem Green" which I saw on a wall at Pottery Barn but when I went to get the paint, I realized that color would be way too vibrant. I settled for a more subtle green "Potporri Green". I didn't like the name and was worried it may be too mint green but went for it anyhow. Now that the room is painted, I quite like it. I think it was the color I was seeking all along. I have my art to make & hang, I have pillows to make of the fabric Nicole gave me for Christmas, and I have a bit more organization to do before I will post pictures....but they will be posted. I promise!

Oh, in closing, I have a new addiction to share with you - a website called Apartment Therapy. Those of you with small spaces or those who like to DIY, this site is for you. Check out the tours, the links, the beautiful things.

there is nothing false about hope.

Ok, here is the one time I wish I was American. I would vote for this man. I am reading his book "The Audacity of Hope" and I listened to his speech. Just a few months ago, I was wondering on my blog if there were any leaders who could inspire hope and give a vision for a brighter future. With whispers of JFK and Bobby, Obama breathes new hope into the world with his spirit of co-operation and sound policies while seeking to unite Americans. Check out this video.

igoogle

I have a new favorite toy to play with - iGoogle. Google has always been my home page but I have discovered a whole new way to enjoy a search engine. Customization....all my messages in one place, blog feed, facebook updates, emails, news and weather. How did I ever live without my iGoogle?